Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
