My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
