so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize