I think i sorta joined a cult last night
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
