We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
