I faked an abortion last night.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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