I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
