I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
where does the pee come out of this thing
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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