So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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