I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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