So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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