You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
