i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
