i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
