Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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