Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
