We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
