he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
