im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
