If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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