I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How's work?
Spinning.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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