i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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