there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
