can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
