My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
