Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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