I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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