did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize