Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
