Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
