I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
