This girl is more easily done than said...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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