it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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