accomplished twins. life is a go
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
