Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My pussy is not your playground.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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