Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
