Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
