I'm lost and stupid without you.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I AM VODKA MAN
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
