you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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