Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize