I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
