using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
