I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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