So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
