I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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