I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Your dad touched me again.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
