i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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