I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
