THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize