your thong is hanging out like whoa
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
