I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
