Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize