i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
