U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
