Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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