Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
