you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize