I'm gonna have a badass scar
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
