So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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