I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
