last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
