he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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