I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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