he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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