Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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