i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
