Already got asked if we're dating
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
