It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
