They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
