i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
