So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
